Praying Backward by Sr. Marilyn Welch

“Praying backwards” may sound like a strange title for a reflection during these days when we commemorate Jesus moving forward to Jerusalem to fulfill his mission of death and resurrection. However, the more we immerse ourselves in the mystery of the Christ; the call to “pray backwards” might be the most appropriate invitation for these last Lenten days.

In many ways Jesus totally reversed our way of looking at things. Loving enemies, sharing the wealth and taking last places won’t get us ahead in this life, but it is undeniable what he taught. In fact, Jesus’ whole life was an emptying of self that permitted the Word of God to shine forth in unmistakable clarity, and it is to this same kind of self emptying that each of us is called. Therefore true prayer doesn’t fill us up with little satisfactions but it empties us so that God can take over and shine through.

When we pray we usually spend a long time informing our all-knowing God of what is already known. Then we move on trying to get God on our side. Now that is not all bad but we got it backwards. The objective of all prayer is to get us on God’s side. Whether we believe it or not, God is always on our side, willing our well-being, our wholeness and our peace of mind. Therefore, since God is not a destructive supreme being that needs to be appeased so that life may continue, we may ask ourselves why bother praying at all if we can’t change God’s will. That is where praying backwards comes in.

All that time spent informing God of what is already known is really time well-spent for this prayer acts upon us and is necessary if we are to make sense out of this life and measure it against the experience of Jesus. Praying and playing life “against” Jesus eventually gives us God’s eyes and permits us to see things from the divine perspective. The slow realization that prayer doesn’t change an all-loving God but effects change in us will reverse things so radically that we will never pray the same again.

If I truly pray for peace I will never be able to coerce a military, violent pro-American God to act, for there is no such God. If I pray to see as the God of all life sees, I will begin to realize that the God of John Paul is the God of Kaddafe, the God of Terry Waite, and the God of Ronald Reagan is the God of Mikhail Gorbachev. This realization that my God is as concerned about my enemy, as much as me, changes everything, for Jesus commanded us not just to love those who love us but to be perfect as God is perfect and that means reverencing each and every life.

To the world such an attitude may sound politically naïve, but Jesus challenges the ways of the world. When Jesus says “my kingdom is not of this world” he did not intend to leave us with a loophole so that we could get out of bringing about the kingdom here and now. Jesus did not reject the world that Yahweh proclaimed to be very good in Genesis. Instead he said that his kingdom is not of this cosmos (an old word for arrangement—much like the way we arrange ourselves with cosmetics). Therefore Jesus is not saying that the world is not good but that our arrangement is what needs to be changed.

Obviously the next question is what do we do with this warning. That’s when the real work of prayer begins. That’s when conversion happens. That’s when I start to see as God sees and I commit my whole self to the work that Jesus began. Not only do I begin to pray backwards but I begin to live in a way that reverses the values of a world not arranged in God’s intended way.

All of this doesn’t mean that I won’t want to protect the lives of my country and loved ones but when I know that God cares for the three-year-old in Beirut or Moscow with no less love than my own three-year-old child or Godchild, then I will begin to look for new and non-traditional styles of peacemaking.

When I pray for the relief of world hunger I can no longer lift my hands to heaven expecting manna to fall from the sky, for praying backwards will once again put me on God’s side and I will have to admit that our Provident God has given us more than enough to feed the world’s hungry. Since it is our arrangements that not only permit but actually structure this sin, I have no choice but to begin to act as Jesus did to challenge the hearts so they will change this world we created.

When I pray to make sense of the tragedies of my life, loss of loved ones, broken family relationships, betrayed friendships, personal addictions, financial difficulties and the like, I will never find peace until I remove myself from the center of reality and return that rightful place to God. Praying backwards doesn’t always mean that I will like God’s arrangement. Jesus didn’t. If he could pray “take this cup away from me,” so can I. If our earthly loves can sustain our anger while we resist changing our hearts, how can we expect our heavenly God to do anything less? God can take it—the question is can we?

Therefore, the more we pray the more we will see with God’s eyes and the closer we will come to the attitude of Jesus who in the darkest moments could also pray “not my will but yours be done.” Those words will never be a cliché’ again but will become the greatest act of faith we can ever utter—an act of faith that will only culminate in resurrection. If Jesus had to go off to pray to make sure that he was seeing the world from the perspective of God’s arrangement, how much more must we step back to do the same, and Holy Week offers us the best opportunity to do just that. It is a time to begin to learn to pray all over again—this time, backwards. Once we learn how to do that we will surely end up on God’s side this Easter and never be the same again.